Waikiki

Waikiki, to me, is a fun place to go. Once. We had a free vacation there - were it not for that, I would probably not have chosen it. I am not at all sorry we were there and I had a fantastic time, but the crowds and the street noise that overruled the sound of the tide knocked it down a bit for me. Plus, being that I am a world class beach bum, I was dismayed to find that there were no lounge chairs on the beach unless you paid for them. There was little shade either, and while I love the sun, have no desire to ruin my skin any more than I already have. (In my youth I sunbathed in baby oil.) This is really a city that happens to have a beach, and I would just prefer a gorgeous beach.

My favorite things about Waikiki: 1) The cup of Kona coffee I had each morning from Honolulu Coffee Company. It was the best cup of coffee I've ever had. That's saying a lot. 2) The shopping in certain places. 3) Orchids restaurant, which served amazing food and one amazing mojito. 4) Waikiki may be the best place in the world to learn to surf. 4) It's easy to rent a car to drive around the island and see stunning scenery.

My least favorite things: 1) One morning, I was swimming in the ocean when my zen state of mind was disrupted by a homeless man beginning his morning bath. And he wanted to chat the whole time. Admittedly, I am a poor conversationalist when watching a filth ridden man walk in to the water with his socks on, then later use those same socks as a wash cloth on his face. The words simply were not there. By the time he unzipped his pants, I made sure the tide took me away. 2) The shopping. I both loved it and hated it. There is something great about all the options there, but also something sickening about walking down the street in a bikini/cover up and passing the Hermes store, with a $4,000 bag in the window. I guess I like to fully embrace the bum in me while slathered in sunscreen. 3) The expense of the entire place. It's just silly. 4) The noise from the streets - buses and motorcycles especially.

The weirdest things said to me:

1) When returning to my hotel, I had on my suit and my cover up. A woman stopped me and started screaming at me for showing so much cleavage. "You cannot show so much cleavage! A man will see you and follow you to your hotel and RAPE you." There were hundreds of women showing far more cleavage than I was... not sure why I was accousted. Perhaps she thought it her calling to make women aware of their chest exposure. What to do when two people's callings are in conflict...

2) Some sweaty catamaran salesman approached me with this opener: "Are you over 21?" Anxious for the water and sand, I replied "No." This smooth sales guy replied "You look over 21. You look a lot over 21." "Thanks, Buddy!" I said. "You're once heck of a salesman." And he actually followed me around arguing with me about my age, saying "Nice try... nice way to get out of a sales pitch" etc. There are times in one's life that I truly believe it's ok to let your inner bitch out and this was one of those times.